Monday, May 30, 2011

Brothers Fight Over Fried Chicken

An Akron man suffered severe head injuries after police said he was attacked by his brother, who wielded a crowbar during a fight ignited over a half-eaten piece of fried chicken.
A warrant was issued Sunday for Tony Morris, 37, of Akron. He is charged with felonious assault, domestic violence and menacing. Police say they were called to a home on Wildwood Avenue where the men were visiting their mother Sunday afternoon. The brothers were watching TV in separate rooms when Thomas Morris, 41, said a piece of chicken was tossed in his direction.
Tony Morris reportedly admitted tossing the chicken, saying he was angry because he believed his brother took a bite of the chicken and placed it back in a frying pan. Thomas Morris told police he suggested the brothers go outside and handle their dispute like men. According to reports, Tony Morris then grabbed a crowbar and charged after brother. Thomas Morris ran outside, but slipped on the icy porch. He was then struck several times in the head and suffered a 3-inch laceration to his forehead. Eventually, he ran to a neighbor’s home and grabbed a snow shovel, prompting Tony Morris to flee.
The mother, 57, who admitted she ate the chicken, called 911. Before leaving, Tony Morris threatened to return with a gun and shoot his brother, police said. Thomas Morris was taken to a local hospital.

Friday, May 13, 2011

FREE KADDAFI FRIED CHICKEN FOR REBEL SURRENDER

Colonel Kaddafi, leader of Libya has offered rebel leaders FREE FRIED CHICKEN for life if they would lay down there arms.  Rebels are reportedly holding out for potato salad and cole slaw with a biscuit.  Western analyst doubt whether Kaddafi can even cook proper fried chicken much less make it taste like a desert goat, favorite food in that region.  Nice try Kaddafi, but i'll get my food deals from our sponsors.

KFC COLONEL SANDERS LOOK ALIKE FIGHTS MOB FOR FREE FRIED CHICKEN

This ratchety looking old white dude attempting to appear as Colonel Sanders raided the Johnson Family Reunion and attempted to boost a bucket of free fried chicken.  Caught by suprise, the older members of the Johnson Family were outpaced by old speedy, but two younger members caught his ass near the exit of the park.  One eyed Joe is caught by a stinging elbow, but Jerome, an ex boxer in prison, goes for the ribs--no suprise there.  The chicken was eventually returned and The Colonel spent the rest of the day paying restitution squealing like a piggy.  If you want great deals on fried chicken and other comfort foods, visit our sponsors for free deals.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

FREE FRIED CHICKEN FOR LADIES DRAWS A HUGE CROWD

A local Houston, Texas chicken shack in 5th Ward aka "The Nickel" annouced free fried chicken for ladies which drew a HUGE CROWD INCLUDING THESE FLY GIRLS. CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, FRIED CHICKEN IS GOOD FOR YOUR FIGURE AS ONE LOOK AT THESE FINE BITCHES REVEALS.  Wassup sista can i get a biscuit to sop up all that juicy gravy.

TEXAS SAYS YES TO FREE FRIED CHICKEN

The Texas Electronic Benefits Transfer (EBT) system delivers services to food stamp and Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) clients of the Texas Health and Human Services Commission (HHSC). This mission-critical function of the agency provides more than two million Texas clients with easy access to the benefits they need to enable them to purchase basic essentials.
Eligibility determination staff in approximately 320 state offices use the EBT web-based program for Lone Star cards. Texas clients access their benefits in more than 11,000 participating retail locations across the state. In
FY 2005, more than 108 million food stamp and TANF transactions were processed through the Lone Star EBT system.
For clients, the process itself is simple. The Lone Star card is scanned/swiped for payment the same way that a commercial card is scanned/swiped. The client enters his or her personal identification number (PIN), which protects the card from use by unauthorized people. The transaction is carried from the point-of-sale (POS) device through a third-party processor's network to the EBT host system. The EBT system then locates that client's benefits and removes an amount equal to the purchase amount from further access. A response authorizing the purchase is generated and returned in a matter of seconds.
The purchase amount is processed that night, transferring funds from federal and state sources to the third-party processors. The processors then transmit payment to the individual retailers. Quite an improvement over the paper system, under which payments could take up to six weeks to process!
EBT operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with its primary goal remaining that of consistent, rapid issuance and safe, simple, continuous access to benefits for Texas citizens. Additional information about the history of EBT in Texas is available on this website.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Pulling a Tiffany

Colonel Sanders is the official face of KFC, a...
A good friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, but for the sake of this blog post I will call "Tiffany" recently tried to get Free Fried Chicken.  Tiffany rolled up to the Acres Homes "44" KFC in her Range Rover with chrome rims and a bright red check engine soon light on and ordered a big honkin bucket of wings and strawberry soda water.  After attempting to barter with the teenage boy at the counter to give her the chicken in exchange for flashing her breast and being DENIED, she produced a debit card which was also DENIED, finally a GREENDOT PREPAID VISA saved the day and Tiffany was on her way.  Tiffany's attempts at cheap chicken were sad to watch, much better deals are offered by our sponsors.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Oprah Suggest Fried Chicken With Jesus

And with Oprah Winfrey, Steve and Tina decided on yesterday's show they didn't want to just answer questions—they wanted to ask some. "You are always the interviewer, you're never the interviewee," Tina tells Oprah. So Tina asked, "If you could have dinner with any person, living or dead, in the history of the world ... what would you order?"
Oprah's answer: "I would probably, you know, have Jesus over for fried chicken! That would be great."